


John Is Not A Homosexual

by Zivlok



Series: 64k - A Randomly Generated Homestuck Shipping Bonanza [3]
Category: Homestuck, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, ayup, homestucks watchin sherlock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zivlok/pseuds/Zivlok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, John and Karkat watch Sherlock. Together. On an uncomfortably small couch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Is Not A Homosexual

CG: ARE YOU SURE THIS WILL WORK?

TT: I've already told you, Vantas, there's no guarantee of success.

TT: But this is the course of action with the greatest probability of achieving our mutual goals.

TT: Namely, getting you some hot yaoi action, and getting me some well-deserved rest from all your worrying and complaining.

CG: FUCK YOU

CG: IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T COME TO ME FOR HELP WITH YOUR LIGHT-UP MATESPRIT

TT: I will admit your superior knowledge of troll customs and culture has helped me greatly, but is there no one else you could talk to about this?  Dave or Harley?

CG: I WOULD RATHER BE EATEN BY A CRAZED LUSUS, VOMITED OUT, EAT THAT VOMIT, AND THEN VOMIT THAT VOMIT INTO A PAIL AND PRESENT IT TO THE DRONES WITH A PRETTY LITTLE RIBBON TIED AROUND MY NECK THAN TALK TO THAT INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE.

CG: AND THINGS HAVE BEEN KIND OF... AWKWARD BETWEEN ME AND JADE EVER SINCE...

TT: The Leash Incident, right.

CG: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE BONE WAS -

TT: Shoosh, Karkat. Shoosh.

CG: DON'T YOU DARE SHOOSH ME YOU PALE TEMPTRESS

CG: YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE QUADRANTS

TT: Oh, don't I? Haven't you ever wondered -

CG: LOOK I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

CG: DO YOU HAVE THE DISCS WITH YOU?

TT: Right. There is a slight complication.

CG: FUCK.

CG: WHAT MAY I ASK IS THIS SLIGHT COMPLICATION THAT YOU HAVE AMAZINGLY DECIDED TO NOT MENTION UNTIL RIGHT FUCKING NOW?

TT: For some reason the disc is not easily alchemized with our technology - I believe it has something to do with when the show was released and when we entered the medium.

CG: WELL THEN HOW IN THE NAME OF THE MANY SLOBBERING BEASTS OF THE OUTER RING ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WATCH SOMETHING WE DON'T EVEN HAVE?

TT: Fortunately, one of us procured a copy of both seasons before entering the medium.

CG: THEN IT'S FINE. WE JUST ASK THE NOOKSNIFFLER TO BORROW THEIR COPY.

TT: ...It's Jane's copy.

CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

 

 

 

I am so excited to watch this with you guys! This show is so good!

Thanks for letting us use your discs, N- I mean, Jane! I know Karkat has been really excited to watch this! Which I'm honestly a little surprised about.

SHUT THE UP-FUCK, EGBERT. LET'S JUST WATCH THE DAMN THING.

Yes, let's! This show is just so good, hoo hoo!  Though it would be better if Sherlock had a mustache...

Karkat, come on, put your phone away, we're about to watch something!

REFER TO MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT, DING-DONG.  IN A MINUTE.  I'M BUSY.

 

 

 

CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

TT: Is that a wanton cry of distress that doth fleet across my screen?

CG: I DON'T THINK I CAN STAND 6 HOURS WITH JOHN'S BIZARRE ANCESTOR-LUSUS-SISTER? THING

CG: AND HER INEXPLICABLE FONDNESS FOR VESTIGIAL FACIAL HAIR PROTRUSIONS, ESPECIALLY OF THE SUB-NASAL QUALITY

CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE JOHN STILL THINKS OF HER AS HIS... GRINMOTH?

TT: Grandmother, Karkat.

CG: WHATEVER.

CG: HE WON'T PUT A SINGLE TOE OUT OF HIS STRANGE PERCEPTIONS OF THE LINE WITH HER AROUND

TT: Shoosh, Karkat.

CG: DON'T YOU FUCKING START WITH ME!

TT: While I admit the circumstances are less than ideal, of all people to watch with you, Miss Crocker is probably the best candidate for our purposes.

TT: You see, when it comes to the two main characters of the franchise, Jane endorses the full yaoi.

CG: AND WHAT THE PAN-RUSTLING FUCK IS THAT?

TT: I think it could be best explained in a diagram.

TT: You like diagrams, right, Vantas?

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] sent carcinoGeneticist [CG] the file "A_pictoral_explanation_of_the_full_yaoi_Troll_Edition" --

CG: ...

CG: I SEE.

CG: MAYBE THIS WON'T BE SO TERRIBLE AFTER ALL.

 

 

He sure has been quiet for a long time.

...Did he really just call me a "ding-dong"?  Karkat, you're losing your edge!

WHAT?

I said -

NEVER MIND, EGBERT.  LET'S JUST WATCH THE DAMN THING ALREADY.

Oh, yes! I am so excited! Hoo-hoo!

**Author's Note:**

> I know I stole the phrase "pale temptress" from someone, but I don't remember who. Sorry, someone! You're cool! 
> 
> Also, colours will be added when I feel like it, sorry! A03 makes it kind of a pain in the ass, and... bluh. Writing is hard enough. Especially since I don't really know how to write non-crack ships.


End file.
